Tuesday, June 28, 2005

heartbroken

i just copy & pasted this from my LJ because i didn't feel like re-typing out the thing....

it's amazing how when you're on a high from anticipation, how quickly that can come crashing down. it's horrible, horriblle luck and a crappy reversal of fortune. and that sucks. majorly.

my hot date with the boy ended up being a hot date with my friend elaine. why? he somehow found himself a girlfriend in the past week or so. therefore, our plans could not go through because "it would be a bad idea." i guess it's not his fault though because he was clueless to the fact that i was interested. he still is. it was awkward and quite fucked up. he kept apologizing which made it even more awkward. all that i could get out of my mouth was "it's okay" but i wasn't okay. i was in a state of shock but somehow ended up having an almost hour-long conversation with him on the phone. not sure how that happened, and i'm still not sure how i managed to not burst into tears then. it wasn't until a while later when i finally did break down.

i don't think i've ever really cried over a guy before. not when relationships went sour, not even when greg moved to maryland that one summer. yet this time, i just couldn't help it.

i'm not angry ... just heartbroken. i can't be angry. he wasn't a jerk about it (although, he could've called and let me know earlier instead of the night before but that's another story). i'd like to stay friends (okay, in his mind, nothing went wrong) but first I have to get over this. he's a nice guy (probably was too nice), we have stuff in common and so I don't see any reason why not. i just have to let my heart heal first. and i will.

i hate being vulnerable....

1 comment:

Emily Kate said...

Oh that's terrible! What an awful situation. I'm so sorry! Chin up!!